Phaedra

Last week, I followed you down the path that led from the house we were renting to the beach. You had on your daddy's "Gilligan" hat, a yellow sundress and your pink sandals. Something about the way you looked made me catch my breath and reach for my camera which, of course, I did not have. I so desperately wanted to capture the image of you walking confidently ahead of me, trying to keep up with Oberon who had, of course, raced ahead.

I'm still not sure what it was exactly. Something in the combination of how small and fragile you look in that dress and how boldly you were walking ahead of me. You weren't looking back or reaching for my hand. You weren't desperate to catch up with Oberon. You were pretty much just happily walking along, content, confident, at ease.

My wish is that you may always walk through life in exactly that manner.

Baby girl

My baby turns five tomorrow.
Starts school on Monday.

When Oberon turned five, I packed his lunch and his back pack and off he went with barely a backward glance. I inwardly rolled my eyes at all the mums having a quiet cry over their baby leaving the nest, and sauntered on home pushing my baby in her pram.
This time, it's different. I look at her and see my baby, my shy one, my little girl. She can't possibly manage at such a big school. Who will hug her and cuddle her and reassure her? Who will take her over to a quiet corner when she gets overwhelmed? She is so different from her inherently confident big brother.

I know, she will be fine. I know, even if she cries, she will get over it and go on and have a fun day. And I know, she will always be my baby. But it's still different.
and hard.
I am that mum. Go ahead, roll your eyes, you know you want to.

On New Zealand Mother's Day

Here in UpsideDownLand, most of the daddies I know get 2 Father's Days. New Zealand celebrates on a different day than the U.S. and somehow, every year, they get both.

Mother's Day, falls on the same day although since we are a day ahead, perhaps we should get Sunday as well as Monday. But I digress....

The other day, I was with the kids at one of their favourite/favorite spots; Chocolate Frog. Oberon announced that we should "get something for Tessa" I asked why and he said, looking at me like I was a moron, "for Mother's day". Well, duh. At the risk of embarrassing her greatly, I will say, she is like their second mother and also like my 4th sister.


I managed to steer the sprockets away from the rhinestone encrusted cat shaped door stopper and on to a more suitable gift. As I was leaving, I couldn't help but think of all the amazing moms/mums I have the great privilege to know. For most of us, we are each others families, each others support, each others shoulders to cry on, lean on, laugh on. We take each others kids with little notice. We cook for each other when it's needed and sometimes when it's not. We include each other in the highs and lows of motherhood. We listen to each other go on about Weta even though most of us are in the same boat and feel precisely the same way. We throw parties for each other. We drink coffee and cocktails together.


My children miss their grammies and aunties like mad but they have a circle of amazing mums here to look out for them, love them, feed them and keep them in line when it's needed.


I have roughly ten thousand photos of these wonderful women's children and roughly 6 of the mums themselves so I did the best I could with the visuals. Please know, this is just a sampling of the amazing women I am blessed and grateful to know.

Mother love

Being a mother changes you. I know, yawn....

What's amazing is that it changes you in ways you could never dream of. Yes, Goddess willing, you grow more patient, more tolerant, more grateful etc. What I am finding as my kids get older is that being their mother is altering my very core. I first started noticing this trend in subtle, difficult to pinpoint ways but it's getting worse. What brought this trend into stark relief? Well, it was a film. "Exit Through the Giftshop" is some kind of crazy documentary about Banksy. If you don't know who he is, don't worry, I didn't either. At least, I didn't think I did until the film started showing more and more of his work and then I realized I had known of him all along. Anyway, he's a super subversive (?) street artist who has managed to protect his identity despite making millions when the art world cottoned on to his particular brand of cool. Yes, go, look him up, he's cool.
Anyway, in the film, one of his projects is planting some blow up dummies dressed to resemble Guantanamo Bay prisoners at DisneyLand. This was just post 9/11 and the country was on edge to say the least. He successfully pulls it off and of course, it draws a crowd and lots of security.
What's my point?
Well, most of me was congratulating him on making a valid point and drawing attention to something that clearly needed it. But, part of me; a part that gets bigger by the year was pissed. I kept thinking of the parents who took their kids to DisneyLand for a family holiday. Maybe they saved up all year to be able to go. Then I started thinking of the parents having to explain all this to their children. As the parent of a sensitive child, it angers me that someone would go out of their way to make their disturbing point, no matter how valid, at the expense of the innocence of my child, of anyone's child.
So, yeah, I'm different now than I was 8 years ago and much more different than I was a year ago. I hear stories about bullying and I can see both sides. I have always been vehemently opposed to violence but when I saw the video - you know the one - of the kid who fought back, I found myself cheering on the inside.
I'm not sure what to make of this "new" me. I feel like I need to keep an eye on her so she doesn't get all uptight and conservative.
Today, I had to explain to Oberon who Osama Bin Laden was and why people were happy he was dead. And, I had to answer "Are you happy he's dead mommy?"
The world just keeps getting more complicated and having these little people asking you for answers makes it exponentially more challenging to just get through the day drama free.
So, yeah, take a 3 second pause in your thoughts and actions because believe me, they are watching, they are listening and they don't miss a thing.

cupcakes

Well, EVERYONE is putting MY cupcake print on THEIR blog so....I felt I should put it on mine. So, here it is....Allen and Sarah made this for my 40th and it has gone viral after being picked up by a Forbe's blogger...
http://www.allenhemberger.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/cupcakeAnatomy_v03.jpg

A lot has happened since I last blogged but as usual, I have about 3 minutes so here's a summary....

We partied with James Cameron. well....sort of


I turned 40 and went to Fiji to celebrate


We got a dog!


My kids are extra cute now that school is back in...

Resolutions?

As every New Year rolls around, I resolve the same thing. To be a better person. To be more patient, more tolerant, more kind, less judgmental and less narcissistic. This year, I barely noticed the changing of the year and in fact, am still writing '10 on everything. But I realize I have been dwelling on all the ways in which I am a bad mom....(friend, wife, sister, daughter - but one thing at a time).

So, I had this idea the other day to make a list of the ways in which I am a good mom. The times I get things right. Because we all forget those don't we? But we sure remember those times when we have lost our patience, made bad decisions, said the absolute wrong thing. Anyway, here goes:

- My children know without doubt that they are loved. I tell them at least 100 times a day.
- I bake for them...a lot.
- I make decent home cooked meals almost daily
- I allow my children to make huge messes. They build forts out of all the furniture and pillows in the house. they "help" me cook, they make huge play-dough projects, pour their own juice, make their own nutella toast, dig for worms and generally run amok.

- I play with them.

- I read to them every night
- I limit their screen time even on days when it would be easier for everyone not to.
- I let them dress themselves even if it means Phaedra leaves the house in mismatched, stained clothing 2 sizes too small.
- I don't work. I drive them around to their activities instead.
- I tell them I am proud of them.
- I thank them when they behave well.
- I try to spend time with them one on one.
- I make heart shaped pancakes
- I stand up for them even if it makes me uncomfortable or unpopular.
- I hug them, probably more often than I tell them I love them.
- I am working hard on getting over some of my life long hang ups so I won't pass them on to my kids. I am especially proud of this one because it is actually working.

This is all I've got right now. I am certain the list of things I do "wrong" would be three times the length but hopefully some of these things make up for some of those. My children know that they are loved, cherished and safe and at the end of the day, that's a pretty good start.

2011

This year marks 6 years in New Zealand. Six years away from Target, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Timely TV and movies and most of all, my family. Oberon is old enough now to start asking why the Hell we live so far away from the rest of our family. This is a hard question to answer. We came here for the safety, for the better life, so I could be less of a freak. Mission accomplished. Life is great and very nearly stress free. Still, I miss my family. I miss people who have left. New Zealand is far far away.


It is January 1, 2011. My family is asleep. Oberon and Kevin are in the tent in the backyard and Phaedra is in my bed waiting for me to join her. Princess that she is has no interest in sleeping in the tent. I have had too much wine and am watching the "top 100 videos" on C4. I am wondering if they are the same videos playing in America.

It's very strange to love your life and yet feel as though something is terribly awry.

The Naked and Famous have the #1 video. I think they are a NZ band so I doubt any of you are watching the same countdown that I am. Isn't that strange?