Mother love

Being a mother changes you. I know, yawn....

What's amazing is that it changes you in ways you could never dream of. Yes, Goddess willing, you grow more patient, more tolerant, more grateful etc. What I am finding as my kids get older is that being their mother is altering my very core. I first started noticing this trend in subtle, difficult to pinpoint ways but it's getting worse. What brought this trend into stark relief? Well, it was a film. "Exit Through the Giftshop" is some kind of crazy documentary about Banksy. If you don't know who he is, don't worry, I didn't either. At least, I didn't think I did until the film started showing more and more of his work and then I realized I had known of him all along. Anyway, he's a super subversive (?) street artist who has managed to protect his identity despite making millions when the art world cottoned on to his particular brand of cool. Yes, go, look him up, he's cool.
Anyway, in the film, one of his projects is planting some blow up dummies dressed to resemble Guantanamo Bay prisoners at DisneyLand. This was just post 9/11 and the country was on edge to say the least. He successfully pulls it off and of course, it draws a crowd and lots of security.
What's my point?
Well, most of me was congratulating him on making a valid point and drawing attention to something that clearly needed it. But, part of me; a part that gets bigger by the year was pissed. I kept thinking of the parents who took their kids to DisneyLand for a family holiday. Maybe they saved up all year to be able to go. Then I started thinking of the parents having to explain all this to their children. As the parent of a sensitive child, it angers me that someone would go out of their way to make their disturbing point, no matter how valid, at the expense of the innocence of my child, of anyone's child.
So, yeah, I'm different now than I was 8 years ago and much more different than I was a year ago. I hear stories about bullying and I can see both sides. I have always been vehemently opposed to violence but when I saw the video - you know the one - of the kid who fought back, I found myself cheering on the inside.
I'm not sure what to make of this "new" me. I feel like I need to keep an eye on her so she doesn't get all uptight and conservative.
Today, I had to explain to Oberon who Osama Bin Laden was and why people were happy he was dead. And, I had to answer "Are you happy he's dead mommy?"
The world just keeps getting more complicated and having these little people asking you for answers makes it exponentially more challenging to just get through the day drama free.
So, yeah, take a 3 second pause in your thoughts and actions because believe me, they are watching, they are listening and they don't miss a thing.